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I helped the two men with moving furniture and welcomed Mrs. Silva to the neighborhood. She was a sweet woman, asked me to come by later for cookies. A week later I kept thinking about Mrs. Silva and her offer, I laid in bed stroking my thick cock just thinking about getting on top of her and plowing her wet pussy deep and long. I was now walking Hobbie (my dog) every day in hopes of catching Mrs. Silva outside. She hardly ever left the house, later I found out she was always in backyard doing work. I told my mom a new neighbor had moved in. My mom said she met Mrs. Silva the other day and said Mrs. Silva recently became widowed after her husband died in a freak accident at work and the company paid out a large sum of money. That afternoon while walking Hobbie, Mrs. Silva was just going for a jog. She stopped me this time to say hi, we talked for a little bit outside and she invited me in. I asked her about her two sons and she laughed, said she did not have any c***dren. I asked her. In each session, one might say that I experience, from birth to death, the drama of an entire life. It is the cruelty of life, of the tragic and doomed conditions of our life, of our planet's life, of all life, that I am eroticizing in this theater of the psyche. The universe is a cruel taskmaster. No—it is not merely cruel. Cruelty is a human value. The cosmos is cold. It is the utter lack of warmth, of caring or concern, that perversely turns me on. Some masochists enjoy the stimulation of physical pain; for me, the pain I crave is psychological. It is the pain one experiences when one's human warmth fails to melt the cold implacability of the cosmos, as personified by an inhuman god.--or a Master who cares and empathizes not at all when you suffer. All the better if he shows no emotion whatsoever. The perfect Master is enigmatic, like death, like eternity. The clear distinction between mental and physical masochism is perhaps laid out side-by-side nowhere more clearly in a text.
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